How tonight's debate might be the end

Could tonight's CNN debate be the end of the Democratic campaign?  Probably not.  But there are some possibilities it could be the beginning of the end.  Obama cannot screw up in a way that he can't fix within a week, or he may give Clinton the comeback her allies have been waiting a month for.  Clinton cannot screw up in a way that her foes have been waiting a lifetime for.

So, what might end the largely stalemated race?  Could it happen tonight, with Wolf Blitzer and the Best Political Team not based in New York City?

1. Clinton, at an uncharacteristic loss for words, puts on a wide brim hat and starts shouting "I drink your milkshake" repeatedly while wagging her finger at Obama.

2. Obama informs the audience he was "ready to kill Michelle" for saying she has never been "really proud" of the country before.

3. Clinton begins to answer a difficult question from Soledad O'Brien when Bill barges on stage, pushes O'Brien to the ground, and starts hitting her with a large Nerf "Hillary's #1" hand.  The audio is garbled, but several racist and sexist comments appear to be made.

4. Obama challenges Bill to a dance contest, and then refuses to continue the debate until Bill gets on stage.

5. Clinton announces she's stepping aside and endorsing the corpse of Barry Goldwater for the Democratic nomination.

6. Obama starts repeatedly hitting himself in the head with the microphone in the middle of an answer.

7. Clinton combusts.  Literally.

8. Obama uses one of his stock lines, and then breaks the fourth wall midstream, confessing to viewers that he's getting bored with his own campaign.

9. Clinton spills water on herself and melts.  In an impromptu early analysis thereafter, Erica Jong comes on to explain the bizarre events, and her head explodes.

10. Obama parachutes onstage for an entrance.  Naked.

11. Clinton declares that Obama is the Kwizach Haderach.  Bill charges onstage and declares that he is the Kwizach Haderach.

12. Obama declares he is the Kwizach Haderach.

13. Clinton begins to tell Obama that he is no FDR, and then just before the punchline, she passes wind extremely loudly.  Wolf Blitzer giggles like a girl, and then upchucks into his beard.

14. Michelle Obama comes on in the pre-debate coverage and admits that she's always wanted to have sex with Bill Clinton.

15. Clinton admits that SHE is the lobbyist at the center of the McCain scandal, wearing a seamless disguise.  She confesses that she wanted to get the nomination in the hope that more time with McCain would convince him to leave his second wife, and run away with her.  Bill upchucks into Wolf Blitzer's beard.

16. Obama base jumps off the stage before he gives his introduction.

17. Clinton, in the middle of a policy rebuttal to Obama, turns to the audience and angrily complains that she can't believe she's being made to run against "this amateur."  When asked for clarification by a confused Wolf Blitzer, Clinton points out that women have been voting nationwide longer than black men, and that Obama should just "wait his turn."  "I mean," continues a glassy eyed and tired looking Clinton, "there was that whole Fourteenth Amendment thing, but really, blacks haven't been allowed to vote until the 1960s, so I figure he's about sixty years too soon."  Faced with a stunned audience, Clinton fiddles with her cards, and then starts yelling "I drink your milkshake" repeatedly.

18. Obama smacks Clinton on the back at the end of the debate, and she falls off stage.

19. Clinton begins to sob about 50 minutes in, and can't continue.  This could go either way, as I figure it.

20. Obama endorses Mike Huckabee, because he "kinda liked Walker Texas Ranger."

21. Clinton provides all her answers through her new running mate, a handpuppet gibbon named Clarice.  Near the end of the debate, Clarice bangs her head into the mike, informs the CNN moderators that she is tired and hungry, at which point Clinton breast-feeds her on national television.  The FCC board members all simultaneously lose the power of speech.

22. Obama endorses the Power Rangers, because his kids "kinda like them."

23. Clinton smacks Obama on the back at the end of the debate, which propels her backward into the set on stage.

24. Obama won't stop doing victory dances after every answer.

25. Bill Clinton falls asleep during one of Hillary's answers.

26. Obama says, "The only way I could lose to Hillary at this point is if I did a Dean Scream ... like this ... YEARRRGH!  No, that's not quite it.  YEEEEAAARGH!!!  Howard, could you get up here and help me with this?"

27. Clinton goes to hug her husband after the debate and trips, clocking him in the head and sending him into a three day coma.  Chris Matthews gets so wound up the next day that he goes into a three day coma during Hardball.

28. Obama announces he's quitting, saying that Seinfeld put it best when he said that you should always leave your audience wanting more.